


The Talk

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 23:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8597800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Han gives Ben the Talk.





	

“So… that’s why you stay up to date on your prophylaxis and you always use a barrier if you’re not sure.”  


Ben stares. He’s pretty sure he’s never going to want to put his penis in anything, ever. Ever. Especially now he’s heard all the horror stories about oozing and boils and itching and stuff. 

Even if he was interested in girls - or boys - of any species. Which he’s not. Because he’s still a _child_. And he’s not sure why he’s having this talk, just because he accidentally got onto sites on the holonet. He _closed them_ when they popped up, and he wasn’t _trying_ to get on them.

But Threepio had to go and blab to Mom and Dad, and now Dad is telling him these tales of grossness because Mom said he had to. What the kriff is an ‘erogenous zone’? Why is he supposed to be rubbing them? Why would he even want to touch someone in the place they _pee_  from? Ben doesn’t want to make babies because he’s still a child himself.

He can’t even make anything more complicated than cheese on toast and cereal with milk, there’s no way in hell he can make (and look after) a _baby_.

“So. You got any questions?” Han asks, looking as queasy as Ben feels.  


(Don’t think about the part where his Mom and his Dad had to do some of that to even _make him_.)

“Uh…”  


“I mean, you can ask me, or Mom, or Threepio… you can even look on the holonet, but at _factual_ sites. I can… find some if you need them.”  


No. They might have gross pictures on. Ben does not want gross pictures. Or videos.

But he does have a question.

“It’s… stupid.”  


“Questions ain’t stupid, kiddo.” Han does look like he wants him to shut up.  


But if he can ask now, he doesn’t need to ever bring this up again. And they can all go back to the world where sex is something that happens to other people and Ben never, ever, ever thinks about it at all. “It’s about kissing.”

“U-huh.”  


Which Ben thinks sounds gross when it’s the kind Dad was talking about. On cheeks and foreheads is fine. Weird sloppy stuff is weird. Why would you shove your tongue into someone’s mouth? Won’t you taste what they ate?

“…where… where does the nose _actually_ go? I mean, how do you decide which way you go? Is there - do you… fly on one side of the hyperspace lane, or…”  


Han Solo snorts. Ben cringes in horror.

“…nevermind,” he says, and runs away before Han can laugh at him any more.  


He is so never kissing anyone in his life. Ever, ever, ever. So he’ll never need to know.


End file.
